


No One Leaves A Scar Quite Like I Can

by Synnerxx



Series: Habits (Stay High) [5]
Category: Megadeth, Metallica
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Manipulation, Selfishness, implied emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 23:08:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5516639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave thinks about the state of his world. (Load Era)</p>
            </blockquote>





	No One Leaves A Scar Quite Like I Can

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sleep_and_feel_no_pain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleep_and_feel_no_pain/gifts).



> merry christmas, raven. <3

David stares at James and Dave curled in bed together, wrapped in the sheets, both clearly naked beneath them. James has a hand curled in Dave’s hair and Dave has an arm flung over James’ side. He watches them, listening to their soft, even breathing. He stands there for a long while, just watching, waiting. For what, he doesn’t know. 

Eventually he slips from the room, closing the door quietly behind him, feeling like a ghost in his own home as he wanders through the living room and the kitchen and then into one of the guest rooms, taking off his clothes and getting into bed. There’s someone on his side of his bed already. 

He stares up at the ceiling and feels tears stinging his eyes and he lets them slide down his cheeks, long used to crying over Dave Mustaine and the things he did to him. When he closes his eyes, all he can see is Dave and James wrapped up in each other in bed - his and Dave’s bed. He knows he never really had a hold of Dave’s heart, but sometimes he could trick himself into believing he did. Sometimes Dave would feed into that particular delusion of his with the way he knew how to manipulate and prey on David’s feelings. 

He turns his head when the door creaks open a little and watches Dave come into the room, not bothering to hide the tears that are still falling down his face. He watches Dave come over to the bed and look down at him for a moment before he gets into bed with him, tugging him into his arms. David lays there, pressing his face against Dave’s neck, tears wetting his skin. He lets Dave stroke his hair and murmur soothing nonsense to him and the tears stop after a while. 

It’s moments like these that David clings to, moments like these that lets him fool himself into believing that Dave loves him. It’s moments like these that makes everything feel worse when Dave turns cruel, when kisses turn to bruises, when David shrinks from his touch instead of leaning into it. It’s moments like these that keeps David here even when he knows he should leave. It’s moments like these that lets David know he’s doomed before he ever had a chance. 

Dave ducks his head and kisses David softly, hand curling around his neck, slowly deepening the kiss. David whimpers and kisses him back, cheeks still wet with tears, but unable to help himself as he presses closer to Dave, cock starting to twitch against his thigh as Dave nudges him over onto his back and drapes himself over him. David arches into him, rubbing himself against Dave shamelessly, moaning into the kiss as his cock hardens against Dave’s. 

Dave breaks the kiss gently, pressing soft, open mouthed kisses down across his jawline and onto his neck, sucking at his pulse point, making David moan again, head tipping back against the pillows. Dave takes his time, works his way down from David’s neck onto his chest and teases his nipples with lips and tongue, working them into hardened nubs. David winds his fingers in Dave’s curls, more to ground himself than anything else and presses his chest against Dave’s mouth. 

Dave trails his mouth down David’s chest and onto his belly, moving down to his cock and licking the head lightly before pressing kisses to the curve of one hipbone, smirking a little at the impatient whine David lets out. He keeps the kisses soft and gentle, shifting between David’s thighs, pushing them apart and kissing the sensitive skin of his inner thighs, making him shiver, cock pulsing against his belly. David bites his lip to keep quiet, not wanting to break whatever spell has settled over them. 

Dave stretches up and opens the side table drawer, feeling around for the lube he knows is there and finds it, a triumphant noise slipping from his mouth as he settles back down between David’s thighs, uncapping the lube. He slicks his fingers and drops the lube onto the bed, leaning down to draw the tip of David’s cock into his mouth as he teases his fingertips against David’s hole for a moment, feeling it twitch, before he sinks two fingers into David’s tight heat.

David moans, rocking his hips up into Dave’s face, hands tugging a little restlessly at Dave’s curls, grinding down on his fingers. Dave pushes them against his sweet spot, stroking across it, working on stretching him out and working him open for his cock, scissoring his fingers. He carefully adds another finger, sliding down David’s shaft, tongue tracing patterns on the sensitive underside, sucking harder, hollowing his cheeks. He buries his nose in the soft curls at the base of David’s cock, swallowing around him as he thrusts his fingers in and out of David, the soft noises he’s making amping him up even more. 

Dave pulls his fingers out of David and lets his cock slip from his lips, earning a whine, and shifts, getting up on his knees a little, picking up the lube and slicking his own length, shivering at his touch. He reaches down and hitches David’s thighs up around his hips and guides his cock into him, pushing into him slowly, angling his hips to press flush against his sweet spot. He gasps at the heat encasing his cock, dropping his chin to his chest, watching as his cock slides into David. 

David whimpers, rocking his hips up into Dave, meeting his thrust, moaning as Dave’s cock throbs hard inside of him, right against his sweet spot. Dave stills inside of him for a moment before slowly pulling back and then sliding forward again, panting as he sets up a slow, deep rhythm inside of David, making sure to grind against his sweet spot on every thrust. David twists his hands in the sheets, gasping and moaning as he arches into the pleasure, cock pulsing and smudging precome against his belly.

Dave reaches down and curls his fingers around David’s length, stroking him in time with his thrusts, twisting his wrist on the upstroke, and David cries out hoarsely, more tears streaking down his cheeks at how good it feels, how perfect it all is, before he comes with a breathless cry of Dave’s name, spilling hard over his working fingers, clenching down around his cock. 

Dave thrusts once, twice more into David before burying himself inside of him as deep as he can, pressing right against his sweet spot as he comes inside of him, shudders wracking his frame, forcing his hand to keep stroking David through his orgasm. David moans softly at the rush of wet heat inside of him, the pleasure intensifying for him as Dave comes. Dave pants, letting go of David’s cock as it stops pulsing against his palm. He pulls out of him with a soft hiss, David jerking a little under him. 

He reaches out and grabs some tissues from the nightstand and cleans them both up carefully, throwing them away when he’s done. He lays down again and gathers David back into his arms. David lays against him limply, closing his eyes as he trembles, trying hard to get a hold of his emotions. 

Dave doesn’t say anything, just strokes David’s hair softly, feeling the dampness of David’s tears on his chest again as David struggles to regain control, body tense in his arms. He stubbornly holds onto him though, unable to explain just why he doesn’t want to let go of him. He doesn’t even know why he came in here in the first place, just that he felt David needed this, needed him, and, despite what David thinks, he does care, does love him in his own way. He’s just not good at showing it or saying it or anything like that. He knows it hurts David, can see it in his eyes every time an ‘I love you’ goes unacknowledged between them. 

“It’s okay. You can go back to him.” David says softly, sniffling a little.

Dave shushes him. “I’m where I need to be.”

“But not where you want to be. It’s okay. I get it. You loved him before me and you love him more than me. It’s okay. I’m okay.” David wipes his eyes.

“You know I care about you. I wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t.” Dave frowns a bit.

David sighs, not wanting to provoke an argument after what just happened between them. “Okay.”

Dave presses a soft kiss to his mouth, keeping it sweet and chaste. He pulls back and studies David for a long moment, taking in the sadness in those bright, expressive eyes. He aches at the heartache in those eyes, knowing it’s there because of him. He knows the pain held in David’s heart is all his fault too and he feels guilt and self-hatred curl around his own heart, squeezing it.

It’s moments like these that make him wish he could give David up - set him free and let him find someone else to love. It’s moments like these that show him just how terrible he really is, how much he’s hurt David and how much he continues to hurt him. It’s moments like these that make him wish he could love David the way that David wants him to - wholly and completely, but he just can’t. 

It makes his own heart stutter in his chest, skipping beats, before David closes his eyes, looking exhausted. Dave holds him until he falls asleep against his chest, breathing soft and even. He slowly untangles himself from David, freezing as David mumbles “I love you” to him, still sound asleep. He reaches out and strokes his fingers through David’s hair, watching him lean into his touch even in his sleep.

He leaves the room with a heavy heart and walks down the hall to his bedroom and gets back into bed with James. He curls around him, pressing every inch of his skin that he can against James’ body, soaking in his warmth. He doesn’t feel guilty for feeling the way that he does about James, doesn’t want to give him up, not even for David. He’s loved James for so long, even when he pretended he hated him and couldn’t stand him. Love and hate. Two sides of the same coin. A thin line between the two. 

He watches James sleep, taking in his peaceful face. He’s not stupid. He’s knows they aren’t built to last. He knows they could never have a solid relationship, could never be stable enough to settle into each other. They just simply aren’t good for one another, toxic and poisonous. They will ruin each other, he knows. And yet, he still can’t bring himself to let go of James. Not completely. He’s always been drawn to James in some fashion and knows he always will be. Two sides of a magnet. 

With David, he knows things would work, knows they could be solid and stable and good for one another. But there’s too much damage between them, too many miscommunications, too many hurt feelings, just too much. It’s his fault, he’s well aware. He knows he’s ruined David, that he’ll never be the same. He wishes he was less selfish, that he could let go of David, let him find happiness that he deserves with someone who will love him like he wants. But he just can’t. He needs David. Just like he needs James.

David was right. He gets under people’s skin and in their heads and twists them up until they don’t know up from down and black from white. He doesn’t even mean to. He just can’t let go and that will be the ruin of them all. He hopes one of them will escape, but he knows they’re just as doomed as he is. David won’t leave and James can’t stay away from him. 

He knows he can’t be what either of them want him to be, but he’s unable and unwilling to let them go. They’re his and they’re going to stay his if he has anything to say about it. He’s never denied being selfish when it came right down to it. He sighs and presses closer to James, trying to push all the negative thoughts and feelings away, not wanting to deal with them anymore. 

James rolls over and curls up tighter to him, mumbling softly in his sleep. “I love you, Torch.”

Dave presses a kiss to his lips and watches him smile in his sleep. He hopes this works out, but he knows that’s all in vain. He can see the end. He knows how this plays out. 

He’s come this far though. It would be a shame to let them down now.


End file.
